Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
