Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
