I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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