I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
