If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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