Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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