We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
