you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
