We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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