I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize