Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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