im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
