So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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