do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
