I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
