i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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