She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
