What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
