You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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