My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
