But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
