i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
