i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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