he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
