new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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