his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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