We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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