Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
