I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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