Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
My ATM looks so different sober.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
