Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
