so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Randomize
