Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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