I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
This toilet bowl is my home.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize