bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Randomize
