hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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