Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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