just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
