If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
