I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
