his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
sarcasm needs its own font
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
