I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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