You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
