glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
