dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
