Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
