id be glad to
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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