Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
