Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
