I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
