im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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