Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
