Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
