I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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