did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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