I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
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