WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
