Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
