I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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