Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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