So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
