Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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