I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Well I just put wine in my tea
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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