You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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