Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
