I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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