if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I deserve to be covered in dicks
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
