I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
