we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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