Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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