he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
