There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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