You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Randomize
