my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize