just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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