when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
