i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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