Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
