He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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