Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
