Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize