Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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