if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
