in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
