The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Randomize
