if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Randomize
