he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
we should paint friendship bongs
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
