I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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