Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
