I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
