Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I wish life had little blips of pornography
either way he was missing a nipple.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize